Why I invite you to stop asking “how do I make this behavior stop?”

Have you ever been put off by someone’s judgment- or assumption-led inquiries about what you’re doing or have done? 

Yeah, you’re not alone. 

Imagine, just imagine, that may very well be how our children and teens end up feeling after their interactions with us–their parents–over a lifetime of exposure to the traditional parenting practices our society has normalized.

Let’s take this moment to pause and reflect on how often we are—quite possibly unintentionally–inviting this specific practice into our homes during our parenting journey (you know, that one that should probably be solidly labeled as an extreme sport).

But first, we really need to remember to give ourselves grace for how often we slip into this pattern. It is a pattern that is rooted throughout generations. This pattern did not start with you. You are here, with me, reading this, so you are going to be bringing awareness and a softening to this pattern that can ultimately “break” this cycle, but we only get there if we first invite compassion for how we got here in the first place.

There is no blame. No shame. No judgment for how steeped our parenting habits are in these types of patterns. It is ok. The most important part about all of this is that you are here now, willing to broaden your awareness to other possibilities. That is, arguably, the only thing that matters right now.

So, I invite you to be patient with yourself. Where you came from isn’t anything you can change. And that’s ok. 

Mmmk? Here we go.

…

I want to invite you to join me for a softer conversation around parenting. Sometimes it might seem like a different planet, because we have to step outside of the conditioned thinking we may have had our entire lives about parenting. Or, maybe it feels like a magic school bus (hats off to Ms. Frizzle) or even a magic carpet that you’re joining me on. It might be new territory, but I am your trusty guide.

What if parenting is like learning a new language, one that many of us were never taught about, or even remotely exposed to? Let me go even further. What if parenting is like learning TWO languages simultaneously? Two languages we may or may not have ever been exposed to?

Let that sit for a minute. 

Two potentially new languages. 

Wowza. Knowing how easy (haha) it is to learn new languages as an adult, this could seem overwhelming. Daunting, even. Maybe that’s why parenting can so quickly feel overwhelming. Maybe that is why we feel like we’re living in chaos and we’re barely getting up to the surface for air. Maybe that’s why we feel like we’re drowning. 

Yes. I’d venture to say that is most likely part of it. 

And I’m here to invite you to pause, take a breath, and hear my words: this may be true for you, AND it is completely ok. This is where so many of us have been, are at, or are stuck in. 

I’m here to remind you that I literally have nothing but hope for you to grow from this place, if you choose to. 

It’s actually inherent to our beings to be able to speak both of these languages. Meaning, you are never actually starting from scratch. It takes softening, digging, exploring, re-programming. It takes curiosity and bravery, but you’ll learn them quickly if you’re open to it. Because remember, humans are wired to connect and repair those connections when they’ve suffered rupture. It just takes a wee bit of training. Just like learning to walk, talk, and ride a bike. 

When we ask or instruct our kids to stop the behavior we aren’t fond of, what we may actually be doing is attempting to suffocate a response before we’ve understood what our kids are trying to communicate through it. What it means for our child. Where it comes from. Why it’s there in the first place. Because, let me remind you: our kids are inherently wired for connection. They are not trying to be a**holes.

And that’s where learning these languages changes everything.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/8597a5_83faf918ff1e49949c1190c12c6f9ce4/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

So…do you want to know more about the languages? 

I’ll explain! 

Await my next blog post or book a doorway call with me to see how working with me 1:1 can change your parenting game completely. 

🖤 dr maylevi

Pediatrician | Parent Coach

Founder, Maylevi, LLC